How to cope with dealing with automated telephone systems....

I (like many people I suspect) have had to deal with a number of automated phone answering services to get stuff done -e.g. get medications I need, a metro pass, getting my computer fixed, etc. Sometimes this can be a rather irritating process so to relieve some of that irritation and to make the process seem a little funnier-at least to me, (after all, everything seems better when it's funny!) I thought of some things I wish I could tell automated answering services. (Now if only I could get these services to hear/respond to me!)

• You really value me as a customer? Oh my goodness, I feel so valued! I'd feel even more valued if you'd please get a human being for me to talk to. Thank  you!
•  I don't like the music you're playing while I'm waiting, if I start singing instead would it annoy you enough to get a human to talk to me instead? No? Oh well, it was worth a try.
• If I can press "2" for Spanish, is there a number I could press for a Pig Latin?  (I'd be so much more impressed with your answering service if you offered Pig Latin translation-I think I'd call more often, just to try it out!)
• "This call maybe monitored for training purposes?" Whose monitoring this call? Bother snaps, I thought it was just governments that spy on people, I guess Corporate America has gotten on the Big Brother Bandwagon too! 
• As spectacular as your other products sound, all I want to know is why the one product I bought from your company isn't working so well. It makes me wonder why my poor little machine isn't feeling so spectacular today.

Despite my frustration, I've found that when dealing with automated answering services patience is key and as long as I was nice to whoever human being finally did talk to me, I got a pretty satisfactory result!